i'll explain with bullet points because full sentences are for the fair of heart.
things that suck right now in my life
- food. today has been a nightmare of a food day. i have myself to thank for this. i basically starved myself all week. don't ask me why. i don't want to talk about it. it was more than a week. i reverted to restricting for a good week and a half and tried to ignore it and then today i tried to start eating normally and all hell basically broke loose. i'm not gonna go into more detail than that because i don't want to think about it right now but. i . need. help. Where do i start tomorrow? i want to just go back to my normal-recovery-life but i'm scared and i feel gross after my chaotic eating today and i need some help, i think.
- HOWL. not like coyotes, that would be cool. the poem, by Allen Ginsberg. I had this english assignment due today based off it and i didn't do it. I left it for the last minute and now i still haven't done it because i've been feeling like s*** all day and yeah. so now i need to do that. and email it. and hope i don't get marked late, i guess.
- sick. yep. literally woke up sick today, AGAIN. second weekend in a row! Really, now? bummer. I've had a headache all day and and used an entire box of tissues and now i just feel icky after being in bed all day.
whine whine whine.
sorry. i guess we're all entitled to our whiny-ness once in a while.
but really, how do you get back on track after over a week of eating disordered hell-ish-ness without getting into some kind of awful bingeing and purging or bingeing and restricting cycle or just awful HEADSPACE? any experience/advice would be greatly appreciated.
this is me being vulnerable. i hate asking for help. i have a feeling you guys won't mind though. <3