today while i was sauntering along in the middle of a hurricaine and trying to protect my (already drenched) self by holding a vest (that smelled like a wet dog) over my head, i had the brilliant revelation that "ZOMG i fat shud lose weight lyk rite now!!!" funny how that tends to happen at our more vulnerable moments, isn't it?
Instead of launching into a fruitless mental calculation that might best tell me how to lose at least 20 pounds by my next appointment with my dietitian (um, Friday---as in the day after tomorrow, ya know, cause that's like totally reasonable) i thought about the last time i was stuck in a restriction rut and tried to remember how i talked myself out of it. And then i realized that i had promised myself that i would write about this because it is something that, trapped in the grip of my eating disorder, i tend to forget in the moment.
So here is how i got out of my last little ed-suck-fest, in the form of advice to all of you.
- Make ED behaviors not an option.
-This might sound totally obvious, but it actually is the most valuable piece of advice i think i can give.
- In an ED mindset, we tend to think in black&white terms, so this kind of thinking is catering to that
all or nothing thinking, and actually is really helpful.
- Want to weigh yourself? Say to yourself "that's not an option right now". Tempted to skip some food
that you know you should have? "not an option".
It might seem simple, but it's really the only thing that can quickly and effectively pull me out.
- Just don't even go there
I like to think of this as brain control.
Like it or not, we have the power to control what goes on in our brains. We can change our thoughts, or stop them. Something that is necessary for me to do if i'm trying to get out of my ED is to just not go there. What do i mean?
Do you ever think about or plan how much weight you could possibly lose if you were in your ED? Or what might happen if you did lose weight at this moment? What about planning calories? Or imagining what your weight is? Or thinking of different ways to get out of meals, or to eat less, or leave the table to purge?
All of this goes on. And it sucks. But if you want to get better, allowing these thoughts to freely roam through your brain and metastasize is like bringing a kid who gave up toys for lent to a toy store and expecting him to sit there, unmoved.
It ain't gonna happen. So don't go there.
- Make yourself accountable.
Call a friend. Say you want to go out to lunch. Eat dinner with a roommate, friend, family, or even via skype. ( i swear my friend used to do this for me. it was usually pretty helpful and kinda fun, too). Tell them flat out what's going on, even if your eating disorder is screaming at you not to.
Make sure they know that you can't be making up excuses, or feeling "sick" or just not being hungry. Get it out there when you can, and once the secret is out that you need extra support, hopefully you won't have to ask again, you ed is already screwed.
(brought to you by Nike)
- I think most people are reluctant to hear this. It kinda sucks. Wait, you mean the way to recover is to just do it? That's not cool.
I'd much rather sit and mull over reasons and lyrics and different ideas why i should or should not restrict. It's a whole lot easier to just think about the ups and downs of life or consider the sins and weaknesses of chocolate cake in comparison to lettuce (none) than to actually go eat a piece.
It's kind of the harsh reality. Eating disorder recovery is about doing the thing that scares you the most. Sometimes it helps to shut your eyes and sing "lalalalala" and just take a bite. It sounds ridiculous and unappealing, but thats the way it goes.
on that note...
|haha sorry, i couldn't help myself.|