Sunday, March 20, 2011

acceptance vs rejection

Dear Rose,
Thank you for your interest in the peer leadership program!
While you were not selected, blahblahblahblah nothing else is important.

Being rejected hurts. Its also a little bit confounding.
What did i do wrong? What's wrong with me? Aren't I mature, responsible, happy enough?
Did i sound like an idiot in my interview? Did I come across as conceited? What should I have done/said/prayed for that I didn't?
With it comes a myriad of questions.
The truth of it is, however, that there really is no rhyme or reason to most things. Either we get in or we don't. We miss the bus or we don't. We're late or early, happy or sad, surrounded by a crowd or alone in our bedrooms.
All of life that is left to chance can be kind of unnerving.
Perhaps that is why some of us attempt to control life with booklets of numbers, meaningless numbers, and arbitrary judgements of the people who we are, or who we see ourselves to be.
In reality, most of life is a crapshoot. That's kind of hard to grasp.

I was prepared this weekend, folks.
I had prepared myself for a weekend of quasi-solitude, alone in my bedroom reading The Feminine Mystique and thinking about music and pictures and sunlight.
But then, something funny happened.
I got invited to a party. Just like that.
And I went.
And then yesterday, it happend again.
But this time I had two friends who wanted to hang out with me. I had to schedule them both in.
The same thing happened again today.

I hadn't been wallowing in any kind of self pity about my upcoming solitary weekend. In fact, I hadn't really given much thought to it at all. And then, poof. It seems as soon as I accepted my reality, my reality changed on me. Just like that.
Let's not take everything so seriously.



  1. I've received more than my fair share of rejection and it never stops hurting. But with the bad comes the good! I'm glad that you went to both of the's when you least expect things that they come true, right?

  2. hello dear,

    i love this post! and how lovely things can just "happen" and you say yes and it's wonderful. i had a similar sort of weekend and i want to create lots more in my future!

    everything changes. !

  3. Sorry about the program.. I assure you it's nothing personal. Because you rock.
    Things really do change though. If you would have told me two months ago that I would have actual friends, be taking actual university courses and actually living like a (somewhat) normal 19 year old, I would have blown a raspberry in your face and ran away. Life is so wonderfully peculiar :)

  4. I like the photos- to me it kind of shows how one little thing can change your whole day, for better or for worse. Sorry about the setback. Here's to whatever is next :)