If i were a boy, (cue popular Beyonce song) maybe I wouldn't take everything so damn seriously all the time. (Note: the sentence that I just wrote basically beats every line of that entire song)
You know when you go on Facebook, and your news feed comes up and it tells you like everything that every single person you have ever met has been doing over the past few days!? Well, sometimes this is fine and whatever, and I just skip to the parts that I'm interested in and get on with my life. But sometimes, this really sucks.
I went on Facebook today and my least favorite thing happened. Pictures from a party with lots of my old friends came up.
I hate this.
Not because I hate looking at dumb pictures of my friends playing beer pong
More so because...nobody told me there was a party going on.
See, i haven't really been connected to my old friends for a while, because I went to boarding school (in hopes of separating from my family, and thus doing better with my ED) and then off to treatment this year. So, all of the people who i was really close with are now going to be seniors and I'm just kinda going back this year, sorta an outcast. It really sucks. And to make it worse, my best friend in the whole world and I, let's call her M, are, well, no longer friends.
I never thought I would be one of those people to be like "yeah, I lost friends to my eating disorder."
I thought that only happened if you were like a raging, psycho anorexic bitch who like threw temper tantrums when your friends tried to get you to eat a bagel, or something. (No offense or anything to anyone who ever did that...) I never thought that my friends would just like, ya know, get sick of me. But i realize now that when I was really sick i was kind of a major pain in the ass. So yeah, I've lost my best friend.
Anyway, back to Facebook, naturally, I looked at this album over and over again and analyzed every single picture. I looked at my friends (or exes) facial expressions and tried to determine if they were having fun or not, and more narcissistically, if anyone had ever thought of inviting me.
I like to call this- One of The Ways that Rose implements Blatant Self Torture.
I saw this picture the other day- and kind of liked the way that everything was (humorously, of course) reduced to a simple equation.
|(My personal favorite is Modern Art...)|
I think a lot of the ways in which I torture myself have to do with how I analyze everything to death.
Hence, the title of this blog.
I spin and spin and spin in my head until I can't anymore, and then I settle on some conclusion that make me feel like a worthless piece of shit anyway.
So maybe I should get out of the habit of doing that, yeah?
Anyway, just thought I'd share that, because I'm pretty sure that it's something lots of us have in common.