Friday, October 22, 2010

friday could have come sooner

today was the friday from hell.
i overslept after a weird insomnia-ish night and had to choose between eating breakfast & getting detention or skipping and just being late for class, rather than missing it entirely.
I chose the former.
Reasons for this?
I know how bad it is for me to not eat breakfast. I can't go down that road. Maybe for some other teenagers it's okay (though not ideal) to skip "the- most -important- meal -of -the- day", but for me, I know it's not.
I have to eat breakfast. I have to eat regularly. It's not okay for me to skip  it one day because then it could become the next day, and the next day, and the next. And soon enough, if breakfast isn't "necessary", then why the hell should I eat snacks, or lunch for that matter...
Of course, you knew where I was going with this.
So, I ate breakfast. After jumping out of bed, flustered and late at eight am, I calmed myself down and went to the kitchen and poured myself a big-ass bowl of cereal and just resigned myself to missing first period.
It sucked. The easier thing to do would have been to just go to school and not risk getting in trouble and even maybe feel "accomplished" or something dumb like that for not eating breakfast. The even easier thing to do would have been to say "f*** it" and ask my mom to call me in sick and to just not go to school at all. But I didn't do this. And i'm glad. Today was rough and I was exhausted and running around school working really hard all day, but at least I can lie in bed tonight knowing that I accomplished something. Even though my brain feels like a ball of mush and I'm pretty much convinced that my limbs are going to fall off just because my body is aching with exhaustion, there is something to be said for knowing that I toughed it out today, and ate my food and kept it too. 
Well, I guess  this is all just a long-winded way of saying TGIF, and let's just take a minute to be grateful for the fact that it's the weekend, and for everything, really.
On that note, I'm going to take my ball-of-mush self and go to bed, and maybe i'll sleep a little easier tonight knowing that even though today was a struggle, I've proved that I can field any curveball thrown my way.

I got a Top Anorexia Blog blogger award! (It's in the sidebar) Woohoo!
love you all.


  1. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, ROSE!!!!!!! Good for you for eating breakfast and putting recovery (and therefore, yourself) first. I hope you sleep well tonight! <3 Congratulations on the award, by the way, that's awesome, you totally deserve it! :-)

  2. Hey! I just found your blog and I can already tell that you're very determined and strong in fighting ED! This post is very inspiring for me because I often have to convince myself to eat and to control ed's thoughts. I know how hard it is sometimes so you should be so proud of yourself for knowing what you need and deserve. You're strength will pull you through any "curveball" that's thrown your way. Don't ever give up because you deserve true happiness in your life! :)

  3. Rose, you've done yourself proud. You've done your body proud, your mind proud, your heart and soul proud. So what if Anorexia didn't like it? You did what you needed to do and THAT, my love, is the ultimate achievement. Previously you might have just skipped it without even a second thought, but you actually took the time to think it through and do the right thing.
    I am so proud of you for pushing through those ED thoughts. I know how hard it is (and I also know how much Friday's suck!) but you did it. You've proven to yourself that it's possible to push past ED.

    You're amazing!


  4. ooof! That sounds rough. I'm really proud of you though, for recognizing what the best thing for YOU is. I am the same way - skipping breakfast has some sort of domino effect on me and then I seem to be messed up for weeks afterwards. "The most important meal of the day" really is THE MOST important meal of the day.


  5. thank you all for your support. it means so much to me! i'm beaming.
    love you all.