I went to the bookstore last weekend with my mom.
Sometimes i find bookstores really overwhelming.
It's like there are all these things that i need to read. So many things to learn, or look at or try to understand i usually end up freaking out because there are at least 10 books that i absolutely must get now- aka they are going to change my life or they are just fascinating or they are about something i have never even considered before, etc etc etc. And then i end up feeling helpless because there are so many things that i want to read and know and experience that i can't possibly do it all and i am just so in love with everything that i am at a loss for any kind of containment.
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| i might have asked my mom to get this for me for Hannukah :) |
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| hot tea for a chilly day |
Sarabeths.
mmm. Favorite bakery ever.
Hence why i'm so excited that i am going to have the cookbook soon and perhaps i will make some delicious concoctions from it.
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| chocolate dipped butter cookie. mmm. |
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| my favorite cookie ever, aka the "cloud cookie". |
My rant at the beginning of this post did have a point to it.
I'm not just going to leave you with some senseless ramblings about bookstores, don't worry, i'm not that scatterbrained. (i hope)
That bookstore experience is 100% true to my real life. I always feel so overwhelmed because there are so many things that i want to do or learn or see. Reminds me of a previous post i wrote about the possibilities of saturdays, in particular.
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| couldn't decide, had to try both the soups. Ended up eating both for dinner. |
"...there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst."
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| needed to hop on the bandwagon and join the pumpkin fad |
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| pumpkin and chocolate. who knew? |
This feeling of having so much to take in.
And it's definitely flying around recently, especially with all the Thanksgiving posts that are infiltrating my reader, everyone seems to have so many things to say and appreciate, how can we possibly keep track of it all?
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| delectable. ate one of these for breakfast every day this week. |
I love so many things.
Sometimes there is just so much in life that i want to be a part of, and i just have no idea where to start. Maybe that's just a blessing of being young. I also feel like it might have something to do with the time that I feel i've lost to the eating disorder, all the days that i let go by when i was just stuck in a different universe of weight and food and calories while the world was outside spinning and definitely not waiting for me to wake up.
I guess i kind of feel like I just woke up and am just re-entering the world and life and it's only now that i'm finally seeing all these things that just make me so excited and thrilled and scared that i won't have enough time to love and appreciate all of them.
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| adorable necklace charms that say things on them like "no regrets" "inner peace" "a good nights sleep" |
Sometimes i feel that way about blogs, too. Sometimes with Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr and blogs i just feel like there's too much going on that i can't possibly appreciate and understand and filter all of it in order to really get a grasp on what's happening with the world. I am following close to 100 blogs right now and i find more every day that i love and that intrigue me and sometimes i get so overwhelmed trying to keep up with everything and everyone. Whether it's new science information about eating disorders & mental illness or new insightful posts or just new foodie or art pictures, etc, sometimes i just feel my brain go into over-load and i feel paralyzed and i can't take it all in.
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| i'm thankful for the 2nd grade girl who is little, naive and loved enough to write this. i hope she never has to feel otherwise. |
that, my friends, is my long-winded explanation for why i haven't posted/updated in a while & a description of my current state in the blogosphere, as an overwhelmed reader and lover of anything and anyone.
it's also my way of recognizing thanksgiving and all it means to me.
i used that American Beauty quote in my "eaters' agreement", which was something that they made us write at my treatment center for our "graduation" ceremony, and it was basically our promise +description for ourselves and everyone else of how we would take care of ourselves.
Here is the rest of the quotation...
"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry, you will someday."
I hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving.
Thank you so much to everyone who read or commented on my poem from before. I'm glad to be back. :)
xo
rose
I'm so glad that you commented on my blog because now I've found yours and it's amazing! Your pictures are absolutely gorgeous and those chocolate buckwheat pancakes you made are making me drool:)
ReplyDeleteHey! I just found your blog and started reading it. I love your positive attitude. Please know what an inspiration you can be to others!!!
ReplyDeleteps- the pictures are amazing....
<3
-Lisa
Hey Rose,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the comment on my latest blog post. I'm glad you commented, as I have now read your blog, and I love it. I love all of the beautiful photos, you are really good at photography.
I hope you have a lovely weekend.
Love Jess xx
You continue to amaze me every time I read a post. Not only can I relate to this 100%, it is also written so beautifully.. and you know how much I appreciate that.
ReplyDeleteI get that overwhelming, almost manic, feeling every once in awhile too. I have to be careful, because sometimes I actually find myself getting upset when really there is nothing to be upset about. On one hand, I have a newfound appreciation for life and the fact that I have (hopefully) many years left to do whatever I want, but that almost makes it worse because I feel like there is too much to even fit into a single lifetime. I don't know if this particular sense of being overwhelmed will ever go away for me. Maybe I am just too intense... Anyway, it's really great to know that there are other people who feel this way too. :)
.. and before I ramble on too much longer, I just want to say that the photos and meals looks GORGEOUS here! Seriously, I don't like pumpkin and chocolate together at all, but those muffins look divine to me. You must have a gift :)
Rose,
ReplyDeletei went to the bookstore today too, it is overwhelming. I couldn't even walk through the whole store because I knew i would find so many books and magazines that i Needed to get. and I can relate to being overwhelmed with trying to keep up with so many blogs. but its quality not quantity that matters, right? ;P i think its better to understand things/ people really well than to know a little bit about everything. I know I really appreciate your thoughtful comments ♥ I can tell you dont just quickly scroll through posts, comment, then move on the the rest of the 100 blogs you follow. You are so genuine and care about the people in your life, and even bloggers that you dont know in real life. xxx
The world is definitely an overwhelming place.
ReplyDeleteThere's so much to see, so much to do, so much to read, so much to learn, so much to discover, so much to be, so much to choose, so many questions to ask and answers to find... I think there comes a point when you just have to accept that we can only do so much. Life can take us anywhere, absolutely anywhere. The decisions we make can alter our futures, and they always do. We can never know what's waiting around the corner for us because it might change last minute.
But there are constants. We ourselves are constants, and we have the ability to ground ourselves wherever we are. We can make little choices, from the huge variety of choices there are, that best suit us. But just know that you can make your world a beautiful place, full of enjoyment.
Life is like a bookstore. Full of the most interesting fictions and facts. We can write our own little stories, and make them whatever we want.
<3
Eleanor
I know it is overwhelming for you....but your love and intrigue with the world is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteLife is so...FULL.
Life is a beautiful struggle.
~Missy
Hi Rose,
ReplyDeleteSo I seriously would like to thank you for commenting on a few of my posts because they've led me to your blog and I am really really enjoying what you have to say and the images you choose to go along with your thoughts. Between this blog and your Tumblr, I can't wait to see what else you have to say.
- Anna
Dear Beautiful You,
ReplyDeleteI found you through Missy's blog. You have so much grace in you. Your words breathe experience - at 18;), sensitivity and power. That is because I feel like "you have been there and felt that".
I find that eating issues attacks people like you, and me, with lots of love for life and sensitivity to appreciate everything to the fullest. We want it all. Because it is so wonderful. And then the opposite happens. We try so hard that we loose it. Get intertwined in calorie hell. Trapped in mental prisons, blaming ourselves for never being good enough, not worthy, not skinny enough.
I am trying to recover for AN approaching weight loss, and issues with wanting to be uber skinny. It is not easy, but I try to stick to it. I blog about fashion but am a lot more, a lot deeper of a gal.
Keep writing your lovely creativity and passions out. I find it the best way to be wholly me - beating the AN evil voices with doing something lovely, that will last, unlike starving, suffering, unhealthy bodies. My art and blogging make me a tiny bit proud of me... teeny tiny, because pride is what I do really badly - comes with ED huh. Gives me the counter attack when AN tries to whisper.
Warm and sincere hugs from Paris, dear!
There are so many things to comment on this post that I'M feeling overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed by:
ReplyDelete1) your amazing writing voice
2) your growing love and participation in this world, and this little thing called life
3) bookstores def overwhelm me. I used to want to camp in the bookstore and just do nothing but read for several years.
4) awesome pictures!!
5) That's what I loved MOSt about recovery...to gain back life and interest in all things life. An amazing, exhilarating feeling
6) Too many great people, too little time.
7) 100+ blogs?! Dang!
That said, take things slow. Life has SO many things to offer, but that doesn't mean you have to accept all of them. Pick and choose wisely, and remember to enjoy each of them, even the "mistakes". :-)
Such a lovely and honest post. We are so much alike... but you already know that. :)
ReplyDeleteHave I told you lately how much I adore you?
Such a lovely and honest post. We are so much alike... but you already know that. :)
ReplyDeleteHave I told you lately how much I adore you?
Dear Beautiful You,
ReplyDeleteI found you through Missy's blog. You have so much grace in you. Your words breathe experience - at 18;), sensitivity and power. That is because I feel like "you have been there and felt that".
I find that eating issues attacks people like you, and me, with lots of love for life and sensitivity to appreciate everything to the fullest. We want it all. Because it is so wonderful. And then the opposite happens. We try so hard that we loose it. Get intertwined in calorie hell. Trapped in mental prisons, blaming ourselves for never being good enough, not worthy, not skinny enough.
I am trying to recover for AN approaching weight loss, and issues with wanting to be uber skinny. It is not easy, but I try to stick to it. I blog about fashion but am a lot more, a lot deeper of a gal.
Keep writing your lovely creativity and passions out. I find it the best way to be wholly me - beating the AN evil voices with doing something lovely, that will last, unlike starving, suffering, unhealthy bodies. My art and blogging make me a tiny bit proud of me... teeny tiny, because pride is what I do really badly - comes with ED huh. Gives me the counter attack when AN tries to whisper.
Warm and sincere hugs from Paris, dear!
The world is definitely an overwhelming place.
ReplyDeleteThere's so much to see, so much to do, so much to read, so much to learn, so much to discover, so much to be, so much to choose, so many questions to ask and answers to find... I think there comes a point when you just have to accept that we can only do so much. Life can take us anywhere, absolutely anywhere. The decisions we make can alter our futures, and they always do. We can never know what's waiting around the corner for us because it might change last minute.
But there are constants. We ourselves are constants, and we have the ability to ground ourselves wherever we are. We can make little choices, from the huge variety of choices there are, that best suit us. But just know that you can make your world a beautiful place, full of enjoyment.
Life is like a bookstore. Full of the most interesting fictions and facts. We can write our own little stories, and make them whatever we want.
<3
Eleanor
Rose,
ReplyDeletei went to the bookstore today too, it is overwhelming. I couldn't even walk through the whole store because I knew i would find so many books and magazines that i Needed to get. and I can relate to being overwhelmed with trying to keep up with so many blogs. but its quality not quantity that matters, right? ;P i think its better to understand things/ people really well than to know a little bit about everything. I know I really appreciate your thoughtful comments ♥ I can tell you dont just quickly scroll through posts, comment, then move on the the rest of the 100 blogs you follow. You are so genuine and care about the people in your life, and even bloggers that you dont know in real life. xxx
Hey Rose,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the comment on my latest blog post. I'm glad you commented, as I have now read your blog, and I love it. I love all of the beautiful photos, you are really good at photography.
I hope you have a lovely weekend.
Love Jess xx
I admire your writing. You got me at the American Beauty quote :)
ReplyDelete