I went to the bookstore last weekend with my mom.
Sometimes i find bookstores really overwhelming.
It's like there are all these things that i need to read. So many things to learn, or look at or try to understand i usually end up freaking out because there are at least 10 books that i absolutely must get now- aka they are going to change my life or they are just fascinating or they are about something i have never even considered before, etc etc etc. And then i end up feeling helpless because there are so many things that i want to read and know and experience that i can't possibly do it all and i am just so in love with everything that i am at a loss for any kind of containment.
|i might have asked my mom to get this for me for Hannukah :)|
|hot tea for a chilly day|
mmm. Favorite bakery ever.
Hence why i'm so excited that i am going to have the cookbook soon and perhaps i will make some delicious concoctions from it.
|chocolate dipped butter cookie. mmm.|
|my favorite cookie ever, aka the "cloud cookie".|
My rant at the beginning of this post did have a point to it.
I'm not just going to leave you with some senseless ramblings about bookstores, don't worry, i'm not that scatterbrained. (i hope)
That bookstore experience is 100% true to my real life. I always feel so overwhelmed because there are so many things that i want to do or learn or see. Reminds me of a previous post i wrote about the possibilities of saturdays, in particular.
|couldn't decide, had to try both the soups. Ended up eating both for dinner.|
It also reminds me of a quotation from one of my all-time favorite movies, American Beauty.
"...there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst."
|needed to hop on the bandwagon and join the pumpkin fad|
|pumpkin and chocolate. who knew?|
Amanda wrote a post recently where she mentioned this kind of phenomenon.
This feeling of having so much to take in.
And it's definitely flying around recently, especially with all the Thanksgiving posts that are infiltrating my reader, everyone seems to have so many things to say and appreciate, how can we possibly keep track of it all?
|delectable. ate one of these for breakfast every day this week.|
I love so many things.
Sometimes there is just so much in life that i want to be a part of, and i just have no idea where to start. Maybe that's just a blessing of being young. I also feel like it might have something to do with the time that I feel i've lost to the eating disorder, all the days that i let go by when i was just stuck in a different universe of weight and food and calories while the world was outside spinning and definitely not waiting for me to wake up.
I guess i kind of feel like I just woke up and am just re-entering the world and life and it's only now that i'm finally seeing all these things that just make me so excited and thrilled and scared that i won't have enough time to love and appreciate all of them.
|adorable necklace charms that say things on them like "no regrets" "inner peace" "a good nights sleep"|
Sometimes i feel that way about blogs, too. Sometimes with Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr and blogs i just feel like there's too much going on that i can't possibly appreciate and understand and filter all of it in order to really get a grasp on what's happening with the world. I am following close to 100 blogs right now and i find more every day that i love and that intrigue me and sometimes i get so overwhelmed trying to keep up with everything and everyone. Whether it's new science information about eating disorders & mental illness or new insightful posts or just new foodie or art pictures, etc, sometimes i just feel my brain go into over-load and i feel paralyzed and i can't take it all in.
|i'm thankful for the 2nd grade girl who is little, naive and loved enough to write this.|
i hope she never has to feel otherwise.
that, my friends, is my long-winded explanation for why i haven't posted/updated in a while & a description of my current state in the blogosphere, as an overwhelmed reader and lover of anything and anyone.
it's also my way of recognizing thanksgiving and all it means to me.
i used that American Beauty quote in my "eaters' agreement", which was something that they made us write at my treatment center for our "graduation" ceremony, and it was basically our promise +description for ourselves and everyone else of how we would take care of ourselves.
Here is the rest of the quotation...
"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry, you will someday."
I hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving.
Thank you so much to everyone who read or commented on my poem from before. I'm glad to be back. :)