Monday, September 13, 2010

First day back

and i can't wait to hit the sack.
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
When the opportunity presents itself for me to rhyme- i just have to do it! It's too fun!
Oh god i'm such a nerd...
Anyway, what was I saying?
Right, okay, so today was my first day back at school.
It was the school that I went to my sophomore year of high-school (the year when i was really really sick with bulimia) and then didn't go to last year because first I was at boarding school (long story) and then spent the the second semester in treatment. So now I'm back as a junior while all of my friends are seniors.
And, in short, it kind of sucks.
Not only does it suck that I'm not a senior with them, but it also sucks because I just felt super awkward, out-of-place, and disconnected from everybody. I felt kind of estranged even from my closest friends and it was just not cool at all.
I had a lot of nice people in all my Junior classes though, so I mean, maybe i'll make some friends, which would be lovely. We'll see.
Luckily for me, I had therapy right after school today, thank the fucking lord, because if i hadn't i would have been a huge mess tonight.
It really made me feel so much better. 
The first thing she D said was "No day is going to be worse than this one"
And that, I hope, is true. And so, so comforting, if i choose to believe it.
She said (very flippantly, I might add) that today was like "Ground Zero"* of days. And i mean she's so right. There's no way anything could be worse than this. So it HAS to get better...right?
Anyway, I hope everyone else had a MUCH better Monday than I did, and here's to tomorrow!

*Never-mind the fact that immediately when I heard this my brain automatically went to the debate over the Mosque at Ground Zero that is going on right now and then I tried to figure out what the hell that means in terms of my situation at school- what is my proverbial "mosque" but then I realized that I was doing that weird thing where I'm sitting in therapy but I'm like staring at the ground and just being silent and awkward and I quickly pulled myself out of it- and decided not to take the "ground zero" comment too literally- for my own sanity's sake.


  1. Hey Rose,
    I'm sorry that you had a sucky first day back at school- how was your second day? <3 I hope it was better!!! That must be really hard to be a junior while all of your friends are seniors, but I think you're right- it sounds like a good opportunity to make some new friends. You could maybe look at it as a fresh start- meeting people while you are more free from ED? I'm sorry you feel estranged from your close senior friends, though- maybe you could plan to get together with them for lunch or after school sometime this week?
    Thinking of you!!! Stay strong, girl.

  2. I always found it hard to make friends at school so I know what you are going through. Hell, I find it hard to make friends even now! There might not be any hope for me!

    But I think your dietician is right - I always enjoyed doing volunteer work. I used to volunteer at a place teaching adults who'd left prison how to use computers. I loved it! And they were so grateful.

  3. Hey girl...
    I declare that you will adjust...make some new friends AND be able to re-connect with your old. Your pooularity will span two classes. You'll be a legend.


    Anyways. I am sure you'll adjust (0: